Puppy Paint

My puppy was so naughty last Friday. He got into my scrapbooking stuff and got ahold of my GOLD paint pen. He chewed it up on my CREAM carpet!!! It was such a mess!  I called Andy in tears because I was totally overwhelmed by the situation.  I know Andy was concerned, but sometimes I can just hear the smile on his face when he tells me that "He's just a dog." At least I can laugh about it now. The paint came out with the carpet shampooer and a little elbow grease. Butter's had gold paint on his teeth, it looked like he had a grill in. Hahaha. We got him cleaned up too. It's so hard to be angry at him for long. He knows he's being scolded because he sits with his ears down, but he can't help but wag just the tip of his tale. Naughty Puppy.

I've come to realize

The other night Andy told me that you can watch NOVA videos online. He was like... Hey, let's watch the Third Trimester baby video.   They show a woman giving birth...  I'm sure that she did it without drugs and whatnot, but I'm sure most of you can imagine me staring at the computer screen, my jaw dropped and eyes open wide in terror.  I told Andy that I don't want to have the baby anymore.  Not that I don't want the baby, I just don't want to HAVE the baby.  I confessed this fear to my parents, and my Dad (ever so reassuring) told me not to worry because I've been through childbirth once before.  Thanks Dad. 

It snowed about 5 inches here yesterday. (yes, I'm talking about the weather... I'm so boring!) It was incredibly cute seeing the puppy play outside in the snow.  Andy kept dumping snow on him and Butter's loved it.  He's been whining to go outside all day.  Hopefully I will get to take him for a walk before the temperature drops.  I'm uneasy going outside by myself with the dog.  He pulls a lot on the leash and with all the snow and ice on the ground; I'm too scared I will fall. Ha-ha! I sound like an old lady.

I realized today that chores never end.  I swear I finished the laundry yesterday, and now the hamper is full again. WTF mate?  Thus is the life of a housewife.  It doesn't help either that Andy has me addicted to a video game on my DS called Puzzle Quest. 

I can't cook.  Last night I decided to make meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy.  The gravy was wayyyyyy to salty, the mashed potatoes were runny (how the hell??)  But the meatloaf turned out okay. Not my Mom's meatloaf, but still good. Thank God my husband is a great cook.

I also realized that I get Andy to myself this weekend!!! WEEE!!!  We are going baby room hunting.  Picking out colors and extras! Putting together furniture....  Sounds exhausting... I think I want to take a nap.

Hilary's Blogs

My friend Hilary has the most exquisite blog.

While teaching in Thailand, I would expect many of her blogs to be full of interesting facts I didn't know, the way the Eastern world works, and words I can't pronounce.  It is... don't get me wrong, but there is a natural curiosity that is relayed in her writing.  Her puzzlement of the way the world acts around her is just.... good.  The innocent curiosity of an Alice in Wonderland if you will.  Refreshing from the many "the world owes me something" attitudes you see.

Completely different from my blogs.  In retrospect, I see a lot of my blogs are filled with daily living predicaments, baby, marriage, and house stuff.  And while it is my blog to write with as I please, I can't help but feel a reddening in my cheeks as I worry about what to feed my husband tonight and picking out this weeks dinners and if I'm gaining too much baby fat.  I never thought of myself as a extremely self-centered person (okay you do need to look out for number 1 once in awhile). But hell... when did I get so boring?

Last night I went to pick up Andy at work late at night.  I took my faithful pooch with me to walk around his workplace for a little exercise. Due to a recent surge in vandalism and break ins in the area... I was scared... I kept thinking, "It's dark out, I'm by myself... is this safe?"  Then I recalled times in college where I was 3AM drunk walking myself home with my eyes shut almost the entire way.  Stupid... yes... but when did I become so afraid of the world? 

Does it really matter what day it is?

My puppy is too cute. Andy and I have both been fighting off headaches and colds today. I spent all day sleeping. I kind you not. I woke up at 11:00am, took a shower, took a nap, woke up at 3, took the dog for a walk, went back to sleep, and woke up at 6:30 to make dinner. I did NOTHING today. Anyway, So the puppy is all concerned about us and keeps going from the bed room to check on Andy, to the computer room to check on me.  I'm sorry, I find amusement in little things.

I have officially lost track of the days. I had NO idea is was Friday today. none.  I also felt a little guilty for sleeping so much today... but really? I didn't have much to get up for.  Besides, I'm allowed a day to sleep.

We are celebrating Christmas with some family this weekend.  I believe you should never go to a party without bringing something for the host.  So I was all geared up to make this seven layer jello. You just layer jello in rainbow colors and when you cut into it, it's pretty.  sounded easy enough, not expensive, people would eat it, and would travel well to Racine.  I kid you not, I SCREWED IT UP!! I screwed up making jello. I think cereal is harder to make than jello.  What is wrong with me!??! So I'm bringing them some flowers. 

Earlier this week, I successfully managed to start the stove on fire. With ramen noodles.  I froze. I sat there staring at the flames, thinking of all the years in school they teach you fire safety.  I had no idea what to do. Andy just came over and blew it out... *poof* like a candle. 

I've been burning things, screwing up things, forgetting things...  I thought staying at home would give me more time to get my act together, but it's almost been the opposite.   I can't concentrate on anything long enough to get it done. My mom said I've just got my mind on other things. Thanks Mom.

I also wait 'til Andy gets home before I start cooking. Wifery just doesn't suit me.

Drum Roll Please!

I am very happy and very proud to announce that Andy and I are expecting...

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A BOY!

and I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am.  I've been walking around with a stupid grin on my face since we found out.  :)

Anyway, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving and Birthdays for those of you celebrating around this time.

I Am Me

I went to a funeral on Saturday... it was beautiful.  The girl that passed away was only 19 years old and her brother gave this beautiful speach about how we are nothing more than ash and dirt and God breathed his breath into us, and that is where all the beauty is, and when we die, we are nothing more then dirt and ash... and God's breath, or our soul, is gone.  I couldn't stop crying. He referenced her to a diamond wrapped in a dirty rag and now the dirty rag is gone and we can all see her for the beauty that is and how lucky she is because she knows now what we can't even hope to imagine.  There were pink flowers and roses everywhere and the family all wore black and pink.  This loss was a rather close one, and while not in my family, effected someone I consider family. He lost his sister and all I could think about was how well he was holding up and if I lost my brother or sister, I think I would need to be instatutionalized.

She died from an eating disorder, and I can't even begin to tell you how much that effects me.  Somewhere in her life, someone made her feel less then what she is and she took it to heart. She believed that she wasn't good enough and she had the power to fix it.  In the end, her heart couldn't take it.  A lot of people were angry with her, searching for someone to blame.  I wish I could shake them and say... NO! it's not her fault either, she didn't do it to herself at all.  Eating disorders are addictions, no different than someone who needs to have another drink to "loosen up" and have a good time.  And just like anyone with an addiction, they need the help to overcome it.

Her step-mom wants to start a fundraisier and open an eating disorder clinic in Madison in her name. I am very excited about her effort and I want to join her in spearheading this campaign. There is only one clinic in Wisconsin that treats eating disorders exclusively and it's somewhere in the Milwaukee area.  Eating disorders effect so many people and there is so little research on the topic... much information is outdated and only pertains to adults (18 and older). Many adults would lie about it too because they are embaressed.  I bet you know someone with an eating disorder. Not just Anorexia or Bulemia, but a Binge eater.   I am willing to bet that 1 out of 10 people suffer from some type of eating /image problem. Long or short term.  I'm also willing to bet that it started because some jackass made an insesnitive comment to boost their own ego.

If you happen to be one of those people that read my blog and think you have an eating issue or an image issue, I very much encourage you to talk to someone, anyone, even if it's a friend who doesn't understand. Get better. In this case, it may have saved her life.   

My Declaration of Self-Esteem

by Virginia Satir

I AM ME


In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fanatasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of
Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me - I am me and


I AM OKAY 

I guess it's time

After much waiting, anticipating, and deliberating, I've decided to post.

I'm pregnant. Again.

I waited a long time before telling people, because I was scared I would lose the baby again, and I really didn't want to go through telling people again, which is a natural reaction.

But I'm now finally in the second trimester, and the chance of a miscarriage has dropped significantly.

So, to recap the past three months... I was sick. VERY sick... all the time.  They put me on the same medication they give to people going through chemo and that helped ALOT.  The best way I can describe it is... well... a really nasty hangover that never goes away.  The kind where you can function, but hardly.

No appitite. All I want is crackers and cheese, with the occasional strange craving here and there.  I wanted to have a very organic pregnancy, and eat lots of fruits and veggiees... but now I see that when you are that nauseaus, you eat what you can.

And tired. I woke up at 10 today and I plan on taking a nap in a bit. I feel pathetic sometimes, but I have to remind myself that my body is exerting more energy now than if I was not pregnant and mountain climbing.

We had an ultrasound done, and it did little to comfort me. I keep waiting for something to go wrong.   A few weeks ago at an appointment I got to hear the baby's heart beat. Still not that excited.

Sadly, what did get me excited was a really cute Christmas dress I saw for a baby girl and an adorable pea coat for a baby boy.   I feel bad sometimes that I'm not more excited.  I'm sure as soon as I feel the first kick I'll be exstatic.  Maybe it's just hard to be excited when you feel like junk all the time.

The baby is due April 20th.  For ceratin reasons, I pray it is not born on that day. Andy hopes it is.   Hahahaha.   

Thanks to everyone who did know and sent their well wishes. We really appriciate them.